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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jess the mess' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 4th, 2003
12:00 am
This may be the last thing that In write for long ...
My life with Brian has picked up too much speed for even me to recollect anything at all. I will look back on these entries and laugh and cry b/c jesus I've effin survived it all. Living on my own, broken hearts and bands and new loves and lost loves and random hook ups. I've accomplioshed everything as needed in my life thus far besides being married and shit, but who knows if I'll live to tell that story. ;) All I know is that my "So Cal Year" has becom my So Cal half year and I'm sorry I'm lazy and busy amd can't say everything that should be remembered. My trip up North was fabulous. I some how managed to get the entire Starbucks, of Vintage Oaks to leave the store to run into the parking lot and attack me. I then realized that my leaving WAS after all a big deal to MANY people. Somewhere along that trip my brother remembered to tell me that Amanda said Hi and that she was sick of the BS and missed the old times. Dont we all. She makes it seem that I'm the one that wanted all of this when I was probably the last. I miss our good times too, getting fucked up beyond belief in my room and have my mom make us food and when the time was right they'd drive home. AND have to endure their parents as well. haha
And moving down here with out an ambition or idea to my name I came with open arms and got a band and a hot surfer dude in SB and a love to replace the "one" thus far. And proceeded to get closer to Matty and the Matches and furthur and furthur away from solemite and the KGB as expected. Which is sad. Though I hate calling them by that. I miss Toby more than any journal entry can describe and I miss my nieve-self when I was head over with a unnamed boy. I miss my old "friend" and though some people despise her and in some ways I still do, I will shed the occasional tear for her. But you know what? ... when I dwelled on those things I went no where and now I'm more stable than ever ... at least more than anyone I know here or there. I care about Brian a lot (21) and even though I've fucked up my relationships in the past I'm gonna make this last as long as I can with what I've got. Monday's Chain show was awesome and my memory was sober and well enough that I don't need to drag on about it b/c I WILL remeber the akwardness and the good times. I'm not gonna write in here as mcuh anymore at all. If ever again. I just need to say 2 funny things. I was mistaken for the "bass player of Cheap Date" and I ran into 3 girls I have not seen for 16 years. All in one night. Insane. Alright I'm off to bed b/c I have work tomorrow and a big night with my favorite "blink" member: Brian Hughes. Have a Happy Holiday Everyone, this has been awesome so far. I will see you next time. Keep on truckin ...

Current Mood: accomplished
Monday, November 24th, 2003
8:24 am
Cassi VS. Jesus
Hurleygurrrl182: I have so much to tell you
casssofrasss: osidngijsdnfg!
casssofrasss: call?!
Hurleygurrrl182: I'm on the other line with brian, but phone calls will be made to the following party: YOU
Hurleygurrrl182: later
Hurleygurrrl182: after church
casssofrasss: church?!

Auto response from casssofrasss: On the phone with Bri then off to church, be back later.

casssofrasss: dont go to church! youll burst into flames!
Hurleygurrrl182: bitch
casssofrasss: :-P
casssofrasss: so i guess jesus is more important than me now......
casssofrasss: i see how it is

Current Mood: amused
Thursday, November 20th, 2003
8:40 pm
Before I edit and talk about my life, here's my excerpts ...
casssofrasss: OMG I LOVE HIM
Hurleygurrrl182: AND
casssofrasss: HE LIKES YOU SO MUCH
Hurleygurrrl182: does he?
Hurleygurrrl182: AND
Hurleygurrrl182: I'm an AUNTIE
casssofrasss: AHHHH!
casssofrasss: THATS SO EXCITING!
Hurleygurrrl182: I KNOW
Hurleygurrrl182: kjndkjndksjndKJn
casssofrasss: YAY!
Hurleygurrrl182: i CAN'T EVEN tell you
Hurleygurrrl182: A THOUSAND ORGASIMS
casssofrasss: HAHAHAH
Hurleygurrrl182: sorry, I'm gonna keel over and die
casssofrasss: please dont
casssofrasss: i would kinda miss you
Hurleygurrrl182: did you like talking to him? be honest? tell me wht you don't like about him? You know what? I already miss you and it hasn't been a week but Brian said "Jess, we're gonna go see Cassi on Friday"
Hurleygurrrl182: how RAD is that??
Hurleygurrrl182: OH, damn the man
casssofrasss: we're going to hook up. just so you know. thats the only reason youre coming to see me :-P
Hurleygurrrl182: MARK AND TRAVIS WERE SO NICE@!!!!!!!!!!!
casssofrasss: haha. but serioulsly....hes so funny! i really like him! and he likes you so much...like we were joking about you like 'why do we even hang out with her? she cant drive! she doesnt have much money! whats the point' but then he got all serious and was like 'no but i just think shes so great and so beautiful and so adorable. and blah blah blah. shes so beautiful isnt she?'
Hurleygurrrl182: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'
Hurleygurrrl182: nuh uh
Hurleygurrrl182: you guys are bastards
casssofrasss: WHY ARE WE BASTARDS?!
Hurleygurrrl182: do you honestly think he likes me a lot?
casssofrasss: OMG OF COURSE!
Hurleygurrrl182: cause I want to rape him tonight!
Hurleygurrrl182: I think now is a good time
casssofrasss: you STILL havent had sex?!
Hurleygurrrl182: NO!!!!
Hurleygurrrl182: I had my period
Hurleygurrrl182: damn the man
Hurleygurrrl182: I'm SO good, I've waited 2 months!
Hurleygurrrl182: that's like 3 years in Jess life
casssofrasss: hahahah
casssofrasss: its gonna be special!
Hurleygurrrl182: ew, I'm not 16, dont' say that
casssofrasss: hahahahaha!
Hurleygurrrl182: dude, so what's up in your world, we really need to talk! just b/c I came up doesn't mean we need to stop talking!
casssofrasss: i knooowww!
casssofrasss: i was gonna calll you tonight
casssofrasss: but then i went to a volleyball game
casssofrasss: im updating my lj!
casssofrasss: i dont think i like josh that much anymore!
casssofrasss: but now im bored:-\
Hurleygurrrl182: NO!
Hurleygurrrl182: call me after 9pm
Hurleygurrrl182: my phone bill was $300
Hurleygurrrl182: heehee
casssofrasss: ahhh! me tooooo!
Hurleygurrrl182: Fuck dude, I have to pay it though
casssofrasss: yeah, hah. I DONT
casssofrasss: sucks for youuu
Hurleygurrrl182: Brian was joking about moving in with me, but I might need him now
Hurleygurrrl182: Fuck you, hoe
casssofrasss: IM KIDDING I LOVE YOU
Hurleygurrrl182: rich bitch
Hurleygurrrl182: I know
casssofrasss: :-[
Hurleygurrrl182: I love you too
Hurleygurrrl182: fuck that face
Hurleygurrrl182: I don't need pitty
Hurleygurrrl182: you beter call me
casssofrasss: after nine!
Auto response from Hurleygurrrl182: Getting a beer

Blink show manana.
My first niece born today 5lbs 5 ounces! Congratulate me! :-D

casssofrasss: i willl!
Hurleygurrrl182: I'll kill you if you dont

Hurleygurrrl182: my clock sucks
Hurleygurrrl182: hahah, I'm anxious'
casssofrasss: ONE MIN!
casssofrasss: but wait, i need to change my (edit word)...i will call you when im done with that! im sure you needed to know that!
Hurleygurrrl182: I AM DONE
Hurleygurrrl182: woo
Hurleygurrrl182: I'm gonna have sex with him tonight if I ca
Hurleygurrrl182: n
Hurleygurrrl182: like you needed to kow that
Hurleygurrrl182: know*

Current Mood: anxious
Monday, November 17th, 2003
8:25 pm

Current Mood: infuriated
Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
7:59 am
"Place your hand in my mind,I'll leave when I wanna ..."
Last night with brian was amazingly wonderful and very much needed. I spent the early part of the night out with Amanda and Jamesdon looking at our pics and drinking coffee. Then we went to the Block and I dropped $70 dollars on a purse and belt that were 75% and 50% off so I don't feel so bad!! Jamesdon helped me pick it out b/c he's my fake gay guy friend like that and has amazing taste for me. We bought Amanda cigars b/c she has this to do list of all the things she wants to do before she dies. So Jamesdon and I wanted to be there for at least one of them. I smoked ciggy's instead.
Brian got to my house later than usually b/c his car battery died. Maybe you shouldn't fall asleep listening to the Matches before you go to school? Hmmm??
So we only had the dinner option of In and Out by then. We invited these girls in Prom dresses from Van Guard to sit with us and we chatted it up with them about location and rich private schools with drug problems. Like theirs. These drunk guys on the next table kept making comments about Brian's trucker had like "you've been PUNKED" and "HEy Ashton" It was my fault. I made him wear it. It said "midget tossing" with a pic on it and I thought it was hilarious. My mistake. So we went back to my house and he kept telling me how he couldn't stay long b/c he has work and I have work etc. We glanced over the T4T photo album and then well, you know where it all goes from there. But honestly, I think he REALLY started to like me last night. I think it finally hit him. And he was trying to be coy and turn it around and be like "You care about me so much and that scares you huh?"
And I drew this pic for him, well, colored it actually or Miss Piggy and this bad guy and wrote <3 Jess with a X on the haert b/c love is not the word we use around there yet. And he sees it and responses with "oh that really makes me feel special and wanted". And a lot of our conversations we had that had to do with some sort of future, he'd bring me along with it.
I tired taking pics of him with my camera but he grabbed it from my hands and started snapping away with us kissing. And then he danced like Tom and took some more. He ended up staying until 2:30 which was awesome b/c here I am on the morning of me going home and I'm wide away as ever. Amy says they're throwing a party for me tonight! YAY! I'm gonna get FUCKED UP, Old School Jess style. Hopefully I won't die and some of you will see me Friday.

Current Mood: loved
Monday, November 10th, 2003
8:17 pm
thank you cassi!
First best friend: Colleen Forgarty
Lastest best friend: Stella, last for a reason.
First date: Ducktales movie with Chritian Chin, I cried and asked to go home. I wore a punk dress, pink tights and white patent leather shoes. So hot!
Last date: Guys don't take me on dates ... BRIAN WHERE'S MY "DATE"!? I guess the blink 182 show will be a date. Does breakfast with him count? I haven't given him flowers or anything but he opens my door and we pay for each other.
First REAL kiss: Andrew Holzbaur under the covers in kindergarten, I started early. We were in our underwear. I blame Roger Rabbit fully for this one.
Last real kiss: Brian, duhhh
First real Break-up: Colin ... eep! Messiest thing I have ever done. And like a shadow followed it me for years after.
Last real break-up: Kyle I guess would be the best thing to put it... haha my band's break up! I change my answer!
First Job: Wineary with Simon
Last job: NORM'S!!!!
First screen name: so sad, same one
Last/recent screen name: hurleygurrrl182
First self purchased album: weezer blue album and green day dookie (same day)
Last self purchased album: I was tempted to buy the Speakerboxxx/Lovebelow album today. "Carpe Diem" Cassi, yet I did not ... I can't even think that far back. Sean's Birthday I bought the new Thursday album, good enough ...
First pet(s): Don Don the Bolo Dog, I think he was a weiner one. MY first pet was Elmo though, it was a kitty and it ran away from me after a few years :(
Last/Current pet(s): Sisqo and Cosmo my kitties
First Hobby: sex.... concerts actually
Last/Current Hobby: pretty much the same answer. We'll add some "song writing" into the mix
First piercing/tattoo: 3rd grade ears done/last year aries on the back
Last piercing/tattoo: last year nipple/a few weeks ago music note by the ear
First enemy: Devra Massi meaniest neighbor girl ever
Last enemy: enemies are dumb now. I'm 19, not 9 ... love is my enemy now
First play/musical/performance: we did a shit load of those in elemntary. I was Marry Poppins for Music Moves Me
Last play/musical/performance: RBC's with T4T
Last cigarette: this afternoon. I went through a pack in 5 days. Shame on me.
Last big car ride: SD was big enough of a drive for me to consider it big
Last kiss: again?
Last good cry: I had a bad cry last night. Fuckin Bri
Last book purchased: Please Kill ME - The Oral History of NY Punk ... "anarchy in the US and all that jazz... I'm kidding"
Last movie seen: American Pie I didn't really SEE it, I heard it though.
Last beverage drank: strawberry lemonade aka. CRACK
Last food consumed: fajitas at work, I'm HUNGRY AGAIN
Last crush: Stefan! and Mark (current) hee hee
Last phone call: JAKE AWESOME! cute text message from Brian after work though: "No, it's speled Skylene! duh :-P hehe anyways I hope u had a good day 2 MUAH! MUAH MUAH MUAH! Ha I win, I kissed more times!"
Last shoes worn: frumpy work shoes
Last song played: rufio "above me" or something like that
Last item bought: eyebrow rings.. or ciggy's whatever you see as "item"
Last annoyance: Smokerboy's IMs
Last disappointment: Not seeing Brian this weekend
Last ice cream eaten: vanilla, at work, wasn't bad for VANILLA
Last shirt worn: pink lace from Urban Outfitters. I miss being rich
Last thing that made you laugh: reading Cassi's quiz and Jake's insanity
Last dream/nightmare: it's a little to X rated for here, but it involved me, brian and a pool and a house on stilts burning (?)

Current Mood: accomplished
7:03 pm
JAKE: so we can do it sometime else
JAKE: me u
JAKE: brian
J: katie
J: me and katie
J: making out
J: on the beach
J: under the moon lit sky
J: with the water running through our legs
J: as we hold each other tight
Hurleygurrrl182: aww, you're such a romantic
J: and i'll hold her head so that she doesnt get sand in it
J: actually
J: my fav position to be in is sitting up together
J: with ur legs wrapped around each other
pttakenfst: so that u can be close

Current Mood: flirty
Sunday, November 9th, 2003
6:04 pm
what's more important?
Video Games or your girl? Obviously NOT the latter for Brian. He didn't go to work today. He knows I'm leaving in 3 days. He knows I'm off today. He's knows I wanted to see him all week. He's a lying selfish bastard. He claims his thumb hurts from playing too long. Well my heart hurts from lack of affection and attention! I'm sick of fucking talking to him for hours on the phone. If I wanted this I would be in a long distance relationship b/c I see him about as often as I would with someone in SB. WHAT AM I DOING? HONESTLY! WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? I am too good for him, I am NOT afriad to say this b/c I know it's true. I know no one is perfect but he's not fullfilling me in more ways than I can care to mention. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I care about him more than he cares about me. Thinking about him is making me ill, I haven't cried over anything like this before and I shouldn't have to. I don't want to seem too needy or anything but honestly, it's BS. If I wasn't going home I wouldn't care as much, but I WANT TO SEE HIM BEFORE I GO. Not just at the airport. KJDSAFLJK NBFJKjaf FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I finally find someone that wants to "be with me", and I now realize that I am better off alone than stewing over uncaring boys.

Current Mood: infuriated
11:41 am
The A Team strikes back and the new blink CD
Anthony came over last night after work b/c I still have those 6 cases of beer to eventually finish. >:P I had been drinking for a few hours by then so I was sloshed when 8:30 rolled around. I was busy reading lyrics to the new blink CD b/c my impatient ass can't wait 9 more days to hold out like the rest. Well, it's not like I'm DLing it! Just reading, but Brian is still giving me shit for it. Whatever, lyrics wise my two favorites besides feeling this are "I'm lost with out you" and "Obvious" <-- especially that one.

Anyway, we drank until 11:45 and crashed in my bed and for the first time in my life Anthonu didn't try to molest me. Now, this doesn't make much sense to me b/c when I WAS in the band and it "wasn't allowed" he DID and now that I'm not, he doesn't Either reason it would be, I'm just happy it's not happening! YAY! And he sent me a nice text message this morning thanking me for the fun times last night.

He talked to me about writing songs again and he says that if I can get enough together, he'd pay for the recording. Holy shite, I don't know why he has so much faith in me but for some reason he does. I just need to have the same faith in myself. I don't know if I can handle it again, but I would love to. I really really would. I just don't know what I style I wanna do. I mean, I did the pop punk thing and it worked for my writing style, but I also got to do the more harder emo style and that was fun too. I wish I could do new wave blondie and the sounds style music or even the Distillers would be nice. I don't know why I'm even considering it, but it's out there, and it's a free opportunity. The way I see it is this, I have the connections. I have enough writing skills, and I just need a drummer and my confidence back, and then I'll be good to go. WHat do I have to lose?

Cause I've alreay lost it all before.

Brian called me in the middle of the night to say hi and ended up giving me a guilt trip for hanging out with Anthony. Yeah, I'm not allowed to have plans on my nights off apparently. I waited all weekend to hang out with his sick ass.

He called me this morning saying that it was his 5th attempt to get ahold of me. I must have missed his phone calls while eating breakfast and taking a shower. But seriously 5 phone calls! He is sooo paranoid about me with other guys. It's just really sad. But I feel bad for him b/c his car door broke this morning and he couldn't get to work, hence the reason he was trying to get ahold of me. Smokerboy called me too, but I missed his call along with 4 of Brian's. Brian says he's gonna make a scene when he picks me up from the airport on Saturday. I'm nervous. I'm gonna have flowers for him. Sunflowers b/c it's Fall.

Current Mood: bored
Saturday, November 8th, 2003
12:44 am
Porn, Beer and Brian
So I came home from work on Thursday and my sister Lisa was home, alone. So I hung out with her for a while and then she showes me the porn that Phil gave her, and then I showed her the 6 cases of beer in my room that Phil gave me and THEN we put two and two together and watched a wicked awesome porn, it had britsh people in it, and they were doing EVERYTHING. It was called swallow my pride, so you can imagine how every scene ended. We both got pretty drunk and watche dmy new favorite guilty pleasure Rich Girls. I swear I cannot tell Brian, but in my drunken stupor I probably might have already. Anyway, Amy and Phil came home and took Lisa out to dinner and I stayed waiting for Brian to be done with his nap and then he called and I was still watching my movie and I realized we were watching it kinda loud and the windows were open and maybe the neighbors could hear. So I was telling him then right when he told me to hold on and then clicked over. Then there was a loud knock at the door and I knew I was fucked at that point and that my angry neighbors were gonna tell me to turn it the eff down. So I took a deep breath expecting the worse and it was freakin Brian on my porch with an evil grin on his face. The bastard tricked me! He never comes to the door! EVER! I was so relived to see him but so embarassed b/c the video was still on so I scrambled over and turned it off and then we went to pizza and hung out with my sister and watched extreme elimination and the Lakers game and then while Gregg was on his way from SB to see Lisa, Brian and I "watched" American pie. And then I finally got to see Gregg after probably 3 years about which was awesome and I hope my sister marries him one day. I think Brian got all offended b/c Lisa and I were discussing how sweet Gregg was for driving 2 hours just to see her and Brian was like "GEE THANKS!" and he was making it a point to be super affectionate around my sister, which might have been b/c of that. Who knows. He's adorable, but stares at me with out words too much which makes me nervous and akward b/c he has that "look" in his eyes where I know he has insane adoration for me. I feel the same way about him b/c I freak when it comes to emotions like that.
I begged him to stay the night but he is super sick and has now gotten me sick, which I don't want to be b/c I have to serve food to old people and I will get them sick and I have to see my family and I don't want to be sick on "vacation". Anyway,today I went to South Coast Plaza got a new bar for my eyebrow ... went to CPK b/c I haven't been in over a year, literally. Called Katie while at Stater Bros, felt sick when I got home, I took a 4 hour nap from 5 to 9 when brian called me, talked to brian and cassi and repierced my eyebrow while on the phone with her. I am crazy for doing it but I didn't want to spend another $60 bucks for something I could do myself! I'm tired again even though I wook up just 4 hours ago so I'm gonna go to bed now.

Current Mood: groggy
12:36 am
Mark and Doug
Ok, so every week Mark in Doug come in. They sit in my section and take it up for hours on end, but it's ok b/c we BS and they tip me well and Mark is hot. Like surfer dude hot. Little did I know that he's friends with the bassist from Social D., has a friend with a production comany for Glasshouse and Chain and on top of that he's a Pastor at Rock Harbor which is like the swankiest church in OC. You need to know people to get in. THAT'S how he knows the bassist. On top of this, he's 30. AND what makes it worse. He's married. I thought he was a single 20 something that would eventually ask me out some time and I would kindly reject b/c of Brian, but be very thankful and happy b/c it's expected. Instead he and Doug invite me to attend the 7pm session b/c it's the more punk rock one to go to. AND they offer me a possible 10 hour a week job as an assistant to their assistant! :0 That's just what I needed with this whole living on my own thing! Plus, I'll be around those guys more which is awesome! That is... if I get the job

Current Mood: indifferent
Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
10:22 pm
This is to remind myself how stupid I can be
So I thought I was being smart. Actually, the minute I ressurected my old school blink shirt I should have realized the mistakes I was about to make. I put a bowl of bleach out and placed my dirty old shirt that I've haven't touched since the night I got it inked by Mark. In ball point pen. Stupid me wanted to start wearing it again and even though it was stained from the night's sweat and dirt and puke, I figured bleach fixes everything! What I DIDN'T think about was that bleach also EATS AWAY at everything and after a shower's worth of time, my once awesome T became a holy mess! It literally was ripping apart in my hands as I picked it up from the bleach soaked bowl. This shirt is irreplacemable. I doubt E bay would even have it cause no in in the right mind that still owns this T would EVER give it up. I fucked up and I don't deserve to have it anymore. And technically I don't. Well, I do have 75% of it and hopefully my creative genius will work something out but until then, I am a big dumbass and should not touch bleach EVER again. Unless I'm cleaning or something.

On another note, Brian just called and I'm feeling a tad bit better.
He just informed me that he got the 21st and 22nd off for the show so maybe we'll spend the night there or something and work on getting shows for 4 of 5 at the venues down south. :D

Current Mood: pissed off
5:28 pm
« message sent on: Today at 14:27:01 »

hey baby how are you?! did i ever tell you that you are a lovely girl.. who am i kidding you are pretty awesome! just wanted to say have a good day and let you know that i am thinkin of you...xoxoxoxoxox! hmm who am i?!

"..the mohawk chain leather brigade rejoiced maliciously on that nite, some one cried out fuck the Government..."

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
7:31 pm
Ok, Jess called to my attention today a message on the Matches message board. I had never been before but I was hoping to never go under those circumstances. I red the post about them and I got ill and jelous and angry all in one.
Did the world forget about my little band? Probably, but just remember girlies I WAS THERE FIRST and if I didn't have so many problems, I WOULD STILL BE THERE!
ANd there SHOULD be more than just the few braves souls out there so they don't have to make a big deal out of it when girls pick up a goddamn guitar.
The only reason people didn't freak about us is b/c they were jelous of us and wanted nothing more of us in the scene than we already were. THESE girls are the sisters of the Matches. OF COURSE people will like them b/c they're on a differnt more secure level.
We'll see how their reputation is in a few years. Not that I have a problem with them. I barely know shawn's sister and I LOVE noelle. I was just disturbed by the post. fuck mindless teenagers.

Current Mood: nauseated
7:18 pm
"...instead of crying and blackouts"
Today is national kiss day. So Brian called me and "gave" me a kiss. :-*
We are getting along.
I think he's tempted to come up next week.
Work gave me the days off I needed!

Smokerboy was let down today. By moi. IN YOUR FACE!

I could eat an entire box of Krispy Kreame Pumpkin Spice doughtnuts. I had one a few days ago and my mouth us watering for more. I sound like a fatass homer wanna be.

Enrique is THE FUNNIEST person I have ever worked with!

CassiTheBitch: ahhh! stop breaking hearts you slut1

Current Mood: bouncy
Monday, November 3rd, 2003
6:51 pm
Rant time
I'm bored and anrgy, so it's time for me to rant again.

I'm too full, too annoyed to sleep. I've talked to Brian's friends today more than him today. Why didn't he IM me tonight? Smokerboy is becoming a problem? I'm listening to crappy music b/c I'm sick of everything I own. Too mad to listen to 4 of 5 right now. My room is a mess and it NEEEEDS to be cleaned but I'm lazy and bloated and don't feel like doing a damn thing. The light is burned out in my room but I don't have the money or the patience to go to the store right now. I hate buses. I can't wait to go home. I'm annoyed that Brian wants me blonde again. I'm annoyed that I have small boobs. I want my eyebrow piercing back! I want it to be Wednesday night. I want to watch the fucking offset video but I don't know how b/c I'm computer illiterate with this damn cable thing. I some how miss Stefan a lot today and that scares me. I feel bad for Jamesdon and can't stop thinking about it. I had a dream my grandma died last night the day before I'm supposed to come home. I want Jessica K to get her ass back from Europe b/c I want to party like rockstars with her again in IV. I miss Santa Barbara. I miss the old Matt, not the one that's too busy working and being a slut. And I miss Jonas too b/c it's only fair to miss both brothers. I miss best friends and plans every night. I miss playing music. I miss writing music. I miss shows. I miss love. I miss admiration and accpetance. I am losing patience and my mind and I think I should stop right here.

Current Mood: uncomfortable
4:25 pm
money and numbers
I got a $10 tip today from Mark's friend b/c he felt bad for him not coming in on Thursday. The hot Von Dutch boys came in again finally and made sure to sit in my section with their hot "dad"? And some guy named Jay wrote his # on a napkin along with my tip. Everyone at work made fun of me, even some customers. So embarassing. I'm saving the number incase Brian and I don't work out. He and his friend were in dress shirts and looked nice. I hope it works out though. I'd rather take brian in his dickies any day! <3

Current Mood: giddy
4:21 pm
He's obessed with me. I just want to be friends. I just want a roomate. I swear he trys to get ahold of me more if not, than the same as Brian every day between text messages and phone calls and e mails. BRAIN HASN'T EVEN SENT ME ONE YET, and I've recived 3 from him! Not that I care that Brian doesn't e mail b/c I talk to him enough through the day, but the e mails from smokerboy are a little too much! :( I dunno what to do!

Current Mood: frustrated
Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
10:59 pm
cassi was right...

You Are Blonde!

And you know what they say - blondes have more fun.

You are the life of the party and turn people's heads wherever you go.

You know how to work a crowd and have all eyes on you!

Bleach blonde or au natural, you got it goin' on!

What's *Your* Inner Hair Color?

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10:34 pm
mas mas

You'll Be Arrested For Flashing!

You do have a fabulous body, but be careful who you show it to...

Your cellmate might like it a little too much.

Instead, invest some time in a new stripping career,

Or a plane ticket to Hedonism!

What Sex Crime Will You Be Arrested For?

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